In soviet russia jokes

In soveit Russia, post 100 write you.
yaa post #100

In London:
«Excuse me, how much watch?»
«Near six».
«Such much?»
«For whom how…»
«MGIMO finished?»
«Ask!…»

Yes, they are Russians ^_^

Hahaha, Artemis!!! +1

i dont get it....
cause i aint no russian

In soviet Russia You bite dogs..

In Soviet Russia, prostitute pay you!!

In soviet Russia, Jesus crucify you.

KGB: It is appearing that prostitutski drown after drink too much vodka.

Yakov Caruso: In Soviet Moscow, vodka...

*is placing on large Russian hat of warmth*

...drinks you.

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

In Soviet Russia, Gun Shoot You!

*Kncok Knock*
-Who's there-
-KGB-
*Opens door*
-KGB who?-
*SLAP*
-VE VILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!-

Last edited May 2, 2010 at 5:46 AM by Akalonor

in the perestroika period:
a rumor said in Moscow a gov shop got meat
_ a 2 km human file creates there... no one may enter...
_ 2H later, a fat comisar comes, "judes get out!" one third of the file grumbles and gets off
_ 2H later, the fat comisar comes again, "only communist card may stay" ... half of the files goes
_ 2H later, drivers of nomenklatura comes and take some meat, + 20 first people ... "stock is empty"
    then an anonymous shout: "always judes are favorized"

In soviet Russia, Thread kills you.

Pauly3 wrote:
i dont get it....
cause i aint no russian

It is the Russian language with English words:
how much watch? - What time is it?
Near six - About six
Such much? - So late?
For whom how… - ... I don't know the English version, I'm Slav too. ^_^
MGIMO finished? - Is MGIMO over?

Stalin and Molotov in the Kremlin
Stalin : We will take Finnland!
Molotov: And then?
Stalin: We will steamroll Japan!
Molotov: And then?
Stalin:We will attack Germany, it will be a hard and long war.
Molotov: And then?
Stalin:We will take France, it will be even harder but we will make it.
Molotov: And then?
Stalin:Then we got Europe and Asia.We will have a massive party.
Molotov: I have one question...
Stalin:Yes, ask it.
Molotov: Why not have the party now?

lol epic...yea they got the vodka there why do they need all the other countries :P

Poor poor Finland . ;(
In Soviet Russia Mr.T get pittied by you!

Poor France, they already have been steamrolled by Germany over and over, we dont need a red wave!

"Stalin:We will attack Germany, it will be a hard and long war.
Molotov: And then?
Stalin:We will take France, it will be even harder but we will make it."
how will it be harder to take France........

ford_prefect wrote:
"Stalin:We will attack Germany, it will be a hard and long war.
Molotov: And then?
Stalin:We will take France, it will be even harder but we will make it."
how will it be harder to take France........

I think he refer that before the nazi invasion, the french army was supposed to be the greatest in the world... lol

They were, germany was just very smart.

Soviet
"In Amerika, you shoot wolf.
...in Soviet Russia, wolf shoot you!"

In a remote kolkhoz:
<knock, knock>
Peasant: "Who there?"
NKVD: <short pause> "ahh...OLIGARCH."
<Peasant sighs with relief and opens door>
Peasant: "Come in, come in comra---"
<BANG!>

Modern:
"In Putin-Russia no Facebook, Book Face you!"

Last edited May 15, 2010 at 2:06 AM by Werwolf

+1

QuoteModern:
"In Putin-Russia no Facebook, Book Face you!"

"the Russian Facebook" - "Incontact" ("In Touch")  ::)

Last edited May 15, 2010 at 2:06 PM by UeArtemis

UeArtemis wrote:

QuoteModern:
"In Putin-Russia no Facebook, Book Face you!"

"the Russian Facebook" - "Incontact" ("In Touch")  ::)

hehe, "Facebook" was easier, dunno how I'd go about with "Incontact"  ;D

"With Soviet Russia, n00bs pwn you!"  8)

Last edited May 15, 2010 at 3:25 PM by Werwolf

in Soviet Russia, ass wipe you!!!

In Soviet Russia, you operate on doctor!

got this Russian joke from a friend... I don't know if it's funny or just plainly disturbing. maybe both.

__________________

Man pass playground, see little girl beating something
with stick. He go closer, and horrified sees stick has nail on end, and something is little puppy. Such thing that is pulp of meat, blood and fur used to be puppy some
point.



Man: Girl, girl, what yo...u doing?! Don't you like animals?
Girl: I don't really like people, too.

__________________

Last edited May 18, 2010 at 1:24 PM by Werwolf

It's like both at the same time...

Can't imagine a girl beating a puppy to death,

But on the same token "I don't really like people, too" was hilarious (:>

'I don't really like people too' Is where I can relate
but I can't relate to not loving animals .

In America, your job determines your marks
In Soviet Russia, Marx determines your job

In America, you assassinate the president
In Soviet Russia, the president assassinates you

comrade2012 wrote:
In America, your job determines your marks
In Soviet Russia, Marx determines your job

+1

comrade2012 wrote:
In America, your job determines your marks
In Soviet Russia, Marx determines your job

In America, you assassinate the president
In Soviet Russia, the president assassinates you

nice I love both of them

ford_prefect wrote:

comrade2012 wrote:
In America, your job determines your marks
In Soviet Russia, Marx determines your job

In America, you assassinate the president
In Soviet Russia, the president assassinates you

nice I love both of them

Indeed ;D.

In soviet Russia , CIA informs you!

2 russians are drinking:
- I fought youre doctor told you not to drink.
- youre doctor will tell you anything for 20$.

haha

In Soviet Russia, forum balance you!!!

In soviet Russia, Dog abuse you (Animals Rule!)

In America you laugh on youtube. In soviet russia youtube laughs of you.

win

Wow, I actullay fell for that!

Somethings wrong with it -.- the video won't play properly  :P

'Nough said.

Akalonor wrote:
Somethings wrong with it -.- the video won't play properly  :P

Hehehe blackbishop you got him!

Dragon93 wrote:



'Nough said.

haha In soviet russia http://cheezburger.com/sweetkate/lolz/View/1804550912

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Post Merge: [time]1275810004[/time]

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http://cheezburger.com/View/2971381760

don't you just love Americans? They make me feel a lot more...smarter :P

Last edited June 6, 2010 at 7:40 AM by ford_prefect

I blame John Macain , his idiocy is contageous. :p , personally I dislike most people my age :) ( I believe I've posted my thoughts on my classmates somewhere before, and yes I am American and very unpatriotic)
since I can't think of any jokes I will tell a riddle :
A car must go around a 1 mile track 2 times ,it goes 30 miles per hour the first time, how fast does it have to go the second time to average 60 miles per hour ?

It's gotton so said that I just laugh at it now

In United States, generals command enlisted men!

In Soviet Russia, enlisted men command generals!

That was junk.