In soviet russia jokes

Well I was joking around with my friend and we came up with some pretty good "In Soviet Russia" jokes I was just wondering if you guys had any funny ones ;D

In Soviet Russia Road forks you!

Ooh, I'm interested :) Do tell me more ;)

Loupblanc wrote:

Ooh, I'm interested :) Do tell me more ;)

no no I was wondering if YOU guys had any good ones

Hmm, as a matter of fact, I don't :p
Must work on fixing that, though

You have the internet, so by association you have thousands of "In soviet russia" jokes on hand

But I am french :(
Therefore I am not smart enough to go look any of them up :(

Loupblanc wrote:

But I am french :(
Therefore I am not smart enough to go look any of them up :(

Loup your just giving us more reasons to make fun of you and France ;D

Actually, I am not from france.
From Aberdeen, Scotland. Great Britain :)
I just speak french is all. Speak with a deep scotsman brogue
as well ;) So, meh

Laugh at me for being from Great Britain all you want

... aren't we getting off topic? ;)

Yah, you tend to do that Loup

He started it!

Does any one have a Russia joke?

The thirties, the meeting of the Politburo. Stalin said:
- I have two suggestions: the first - let's shoot all of the Politburo, the second - let's repainted the Kremlin in green.
Everyone is silent, but suddenly, a young Communist asks:
- Comrade Stalin, but why is green?
- As I thought, there are no objection about the first suggestion.

Last edited December 4, 2009 at 6:28 PM by UeArtemis

UeArtemis wrote:
The thirties, the meeting of the Politburo. Stalin said:
- I have two suggestions: the first - let's shoot all of the Politburo, the second - let's repainted the Kremlin in green.
Everyone is silent, but suddenly, a young Communist asks:
- Comrade Stalin, but why is green?
- As I thought, there are no objection about the first suggestion.

That's good did he really say that?

No, it is an anecdote (Eastern Slavonic joke)

The meeting of the Staffka in 1941.
Stalin comes to a general and said:
- Were You supposed to be shot?
General frightened, did not sleep for weeks.
1945. The Victory. The Meeting Staffka.
Stalin comes to the same general and said:
- Do you remember 1941? I walked over and asked: "Were You supposed to be shot"
- Yes. - said the general, and frightened.
- It was a hard time, but we joked!

Last edited December 4, 2009 at 7:55 PM by UeArtemis

You wouldn't want to get on Stalins bad side if that's how he "Jokes"... he reminds me of Queenie from Blackadder

"Why aren't you laughing? Don't you find my Jokes funny?"
"I'm sorry Madam, I'm ecstatic at the whole thing. Its just I thought if I laughed, my head may have fallen off..."
"Well if you don't start soon... your head will fall off!"

(he reminds me of Queenie from Blackadder) ohhh darn I miss that show  :'( :'( :'( :'( we used to have it on BBC America for a long time but they dropped it that show was so funny now all I get is Top Gear and of course all of Gordan's shows (and the only good source in America ;D)

ooooh, hey Burro, that's right. Queenie is badass. Lol.

Do tell us more jokes UeArtemis ;)

Eh, it's funny now, but had I been in soviet army, I'm not
sure if advancement would have been good, if It'd have gotten
me working with Komrade Stalin, lol.

here are some jokes at Russia....http://cheezburger.com/View.aspx?aid=2890557696
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SORRY 90% PUTTIN!

Love the "In Soviet Russia, job hunt you!" pic ;D

In soviet russia baby abort you!

3y wrote:
Love the "In Soviet Russia, job hunt you!" pic ;D

lol yeah

In Soviet Russia gays are so severe that they "sleep" with women. ;D

I was just reading this topic while a friend posted me with this.
Its an AK-47 joke so...
Multi-Purpose AK-47
AK-47 is cheaper than a lighter.

Last edited February 12, 2010 at 9:20 AM by Paciat

In America you fight terrorism. In Soviet Russia terrorist fight you!!!!!!! 8)

Paciat wrote:
I was just reading this topic while a friend posted me with this.
Its an AK-47 joke so...
Multi-Purpose AK-47

WTF????

In soviet russia somebody elses mind fucks with you

haha but really WHAT IS WITH THE VIDEO

In soviet russia, forum watches and reads YOU

Heh, famous russian inversion :P In polish version of uncyclopedia we have whole list of them, just put it into google translate http://nonsensopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Radziecka_inwersja

In soviet russia you werent allowed to tell political jokes.
So the  people just  gave every joke a number.
One day Oleg Popow is standing in front of the cinema
waiting to get in. Somebody in front of him shouts "Nr. 47".
The whole crowd chuckles.
Another guy shouts " Nr. 84"
The crowd bursts into laughter.
Oleg decides to tell one aswell and so he shouts "Nr. 15"
Nobody even smiles.
Oleg asks "what is wrong?"
One in the crowd says "oh the joke is great, but you are telling it wrong!!"

I like those kind of jokes a lot :P

In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you!
Anf the Putin jokes aren't Soviet Russian, Putin leads a capitalist nation now.

In soviet russia tank drives you!

In soviet russia photo takes you.
In soviet russia cards cut you.

In Soviet Russia conscripts spam you!

In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches YOU.
In soviet russia prostitutes pay YOU.

In Soviet Russia, Eastern Front plays you!
In Soviet Russia, snowmen build you!

Pauly3 wrote:
In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches YOU.

fail

why?? thats the joke
in america you can watch big brother on telly
in soviet russia it watches you
and yes i am aware of the fact that the big brother is also the guy from the ovel 1984. this makes the joke even better.
In soviet russia mothe rin law kills YOU. :P

Or perhaps that big brother watches the people in the house. That's the whole premises of the show.

another one on Stalin, one of my favorite ones:

The first Soviet comedy movie is shot and shown to Stalin behind closed doors. The actor who played main character, film studio (single one for the entire country certainly) director, and the Minister of Culture are present.

Having watched the movie Stalin summarizes: - Nice movie. Funny. But I'm concerned with the main character. He behaves so stupidly - and in the same time with his mustache bears so much resemblance to comrade Stalin... should our citizens see the film they would say "pf-f-f-f... such a stupid comrade Stalin"... I think it's a good idea to shoot this actor...
(the actor faints away)
...also, to shoot the film studio director who produces such shit...
(director faints away)
...also, to shoot the Minister who doesn't stand over what is being produced in his department...

Minister, with pale face: - Comrade Stalin... or maybe we just shave off his mustache in the next version?..
Stalin: - Alright. Another good way to do things.

in Soviet Russia you get shot for saying what I am saying right now  ;D

ah keep bringing in the lulz gentelmen

Last edited March 7, 2010 at 4:19 AM by Versedhorison

In soviet russia cake eats youuuu!!
In soviet russia bed sleep on you!!
In soviet russia internet browsers keep tabs on you!!
In soviet russia we don't eliminate hunge, hunger eliminates you!! (a little cruel but lol)
In zombified russia brain eats you!

In soviet Russia, books read YOU.

lol nice the book XD

In soviet russia wife cheats on you.... :-*